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I don't write enough to warrant moving to another site, much as I'm sick of LJ. Moving is a hassle.

I realized (remembered?) that I hate reading my mom's blog posts because they're not accessible to the blog-reading public. People who read blogs don't want to read basically an inventory of all the crap someone owns. They want to see how someone puts things together, and my mom gets really huffy when I suggest she give away some of her secrets in how-to posts with some suggested stores to buy her suggested decor. The whole blog comes off as a "look at me and everything I've done, now don't you wish you could do this too?" in the most condescending way. This is why I haven't advertised it round the socialized media-- it's embarrassing to see how much she has all at once, with captions talking about how proud she is of owning all these status trinkets.

That being said, I love showing off her decorations to my friends in person. I'm proud of all she has, but more for the way she's put things together. That's another thing that I dislike about her blog pictures, in particular: they're posed shots of as much crap as she can put in one place. It's not natural. It doesn't look good. It doesn't show how the decorations work with the furniture and the rest of the house. It doesn't capture the hard work she's put in to make the house look so good. But she doesn't get it, and until she does, it will continue to look like a rich woman with too much time on her hands decided to put together a blog purely to show off how much money she has (the irony of course being that my mom is not rich). And I will avoid reading it so that I don't get the impression that my mom is like some of her friends, or is just trying too hard to show off to her friends.

Meanwhile I let the cat sleep on my cashmere coat, so clearly I'm not going about this the right way, either.

I love teaching research methods because the whole course is like teaching/mentoring. I'd love to do this full-time, theoretically. But it's completely exhausting. I'm offering all my time to their group projects, I have a student trying to finagle her way out of academic probation (via me), I'm having communication errors left and right, and the emails are nonstop. And at the same time, I have to work on my own classes, which involve presentations and writing exam questions. And my advisor is finally almost done going over my paper, but I have no motivation to work on our last few edits. I'm getting a loan, which was a hassle in and of itself even though it's my second loan in grad school. I'm exhausted and I need a break from the home, student, research, and grad school drama. I need to sleep, but as it is I've been up since before 5am.

At least I got a haircut, even if I probably made my haircut guy die inside trying to get through all my tangles. 3 combs, ladies and gentleman: he went through 3 combs, tried 3 different types of product, spent over an hour, and only charged me $16. We gave him a 35% tip and I bought extra product from him. Still doesn't feel like enough for a miracle.

I wish I could sing. Where did I go wrong?

I'm glad I didn't audition for Glee, but I wish I had the song down, just because. Give me three more years.

Nevermind that in three more years I'll be too old to start. 27 is too old. Welcome to the new millenium.

I don't think God waits till after death to come right up to your face and say "Go fuck yourself."

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May 2010
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