?

Log in

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Finally, new year.

Pretty much all of January was devoted to family, specifically helping my family end the era of the Crumps. It's officially my mom, my sister, my grandma, and me now, and despite the slew of animals, the steadiest boyfriends ever, and the influx of Crump blood in our house last week, the family feels significantly smaller. In all honesty, it was hard for us because he wasn't just Grandpa-- he was also a stand-in for remembering my dad. And now there are only women in my family. And now they are all from my mom's side. And then there were four.

I never liked my grandpa much. I don't think I ever told him I loved him, and it really does't bother me. It feels like it should, though. He loved me so much, and doted on me... but I disliked him for precisely that reason. He should have doted on Catherine, he should have doted on my mom, but instead it seemed he showed the most contempt for them. It wasn't fair. It was rude and ungrateful. And now, as I still question whether that continued to be true toward the end, I guess it doesn't really matter. The things we'll remember about him aren't how he felt about us, but how he behaved, and who he was: the practical jokes, the humming, the weird phrases, the endless stories, his generosity toward anyone not related to him (indeed, pretty much exclusively for people not in the family in any way). I think my mom has sufficiently convinced me over the past month that it doesn't matter that he was grateful to the wrong people-- at least we knew our grandfather, such an interesting person, so well.

This all coincides with Chinese New Year, so I'm taking this opportunity to start again. It's hardly a blank slate, I'm hardly in a position to take time off for travel or something equally ridiculous-yet-celebratory. It's just time to start fresh. It's time to clean, really clean, bleach the mold, smudge the doorways, vacuum the flea eggs, and organize my papers. It's time to think of some new year's resolutions, take those bags of clothes to Goodwill, and if, somehow, we convince my mom to also take a weekend in Big Bear with the neighbors, I'll be happy.

So, here are my new year's resolutions:
1) Set up coffee every night so that I feel obliged to eat breakfast in the morning
2) Put away at least $50 a month in a separate savings account so that I can start paying off my loans when I graduate
3) Cut down on red meat and Coke without increasing shrimp and alcohol consumption
4) Take better care of my car (corollary: learn to change oil)
5) Improve myself as a researcher

Now I have to decide if I'm actually going to campus today or not. I thankfully am not too behind anymore, so it might be okay if I do my reading here rather than in my office, for once.

Latest Month

May 2010
S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031     
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Jamison Wieser